Monday 12 March 2012

Gearing up!

Mom flew in today! I totally teared up on the way to the airport to pick her up for some reason...maybe because I'm happy she's here? Makes me feel a bit better. ALthough it also makes me realize surgery day is fast approaching and I don't feel ready for it. I think I felt this way last time too, just very anxious in anticipation. I keep going over what it felt like to be checking in and waiting to be wheeled into the OR and it makes me so uneasy, blah!! I wish it had worked last time but what can you do? This time it will work for sure and life can get back on track!! I feel like I'm being silly but I guess it would also be weird not to be a little bit scared right? This week has been super busy...meeting up with friends - I almost feel like a make a wish kid somedays because people are so kind and doing nice things to make me happy and making an effort to see me and wish me luck for Wednesday. I'm also trying to organize everything and make sure my house is clean so I don't have to worry about all that junk when I get out of the hospital. It's mom's birthday on the 18th as well so I've arranged with Desiree to bring in her gifts, cake and dinner to the hospital if I'm still in there on Sunday. I hope not though! Wouldn't it be a great birthday gift if I got to go home for Mom's birthday?? Maybe I should give her a cake with some candles early so she can wish for that hahaha. Wait wait, I can't be choosing other people's wishes for them thats not how it works haha!! I bet mom would wish it for me though, she's sweet like that. Plus I don't think she likes spending that much time at the hospital either haha. Anyway, we're going to enjoy the next couple days as much as we can! Going to go to the mountains tomorrow after I go in for bloodwork as its supposed to be a lovely day. Shopping on Tuesday maybe - I thought I'd bring mom to the mall while I still have some energy and interest haha, I remember taking her shopping after my surgery last time and really not being in the mood and forcing myself to walk around and not be too miserable. My goal is to not be moody with Mom! I feel like I take out my frustrations with this whole thing on her sometimes when I get upset and I don't want it to be like that, i want to have a happy couple of days. Now if only I could stop my brain thinking about it so much and get some sleep!! 

Friday 9 March 2012

Images of Change

When I was first trying to get diagnosed with Cushings a website suggested I bring in a progression of photographs chronicling how I had changed over the past few years...thought I'd share! I knew my body was changing but didn't realize how dramatically...I feel like a totally different person. 



May 2007
Pebble Beach with Neener
Right after graduating teachers college, working in Marathon.

October 2007
Dad's 50th Birthday
My first visit back to Marathon after moving to Calgary

July 2008
Stampede!
July 2008
Banff
October 2008
Mom & Dad's Thanksgiving Visit
Lake Miniwanka

October 2008
Storybook girls
December 2008
Janine & Roger come to my rescue when stranded in Toronto
Dear Santa: May I please have a flight home?

New Years 2008/2009
Changes!
February 2009
Vegas! Outside the Bellagio
February 2009
Vegas Baby!!

April 2009
Marathon's Calgary chapter takes over Cochrane
July 2009
Bridesmaid for Dee
July 2009
Michelle & I at Dee & Kev's wedding


August 2009
Janine's Maid of Honour

October 2009
Ceiling Fans!

July 2010
Banff
July 2010
Lake Louise
(I remember feeling soooo chubby this day!)

July 2010
Lake Louise
(at the top of the mountain where Brandy nearly had to leave me hahaha)

July 2010
Brandy's first stampede! Yeehaw!
October 2010
Nana's Thanksgiving visit to Calgary

October 2010
Bayside Girls!

New Years Eve 2010/2011
January 2011
Scarborough Seafront
March 2011
Saskatoon

July 2011
Sacre Coeur in Paris

July 2011
View of Paris

July 2011
Summer in England
September 2011
Mom's visit to Calgary ~ Prince's Island Park

September 2011
Janine, Brandy & Gabby's visit out west
Lake Miniwanka

October 2011
Thanksgiving in Invermere

February 2012
Banff




Thursday 8 March 2012

Got a date!

February was a great month!! My sister came out to see me and we had so much fun. It was nice to have some company and show her around the sights. I dragged her to my appointment with the endocrinologist and neurosurgeon as well haha, woooo highlight of her trip I'm sure!! It was good to have an extra set of ears in there though and someone who understands whats happening without me having to explain it to them. It sounded like the neurosurgeon wanted to just go in and take the pituitary gland right away...but I'm still kind of hesitant about that. Apparently he has a reputation for being aggressive but getting the job done. We agreed that he would go in and explore first and take out something if he found it...there's still a risk of losing pituitary function but at least there's a chance of saving it. He said if he doesn't see anything then he will take the gland out during the same surgery though so that I don't have to go through another surgery. I will have to have a second if they remove a lesion and my body still isn't cured but it will be a couple days after the first surgery so at least it will all be one hospital stay. If neither of these works then I will have to have radiation therapy probably b/c its likely the wall of the cavity the pituitary gland is housed in. I really hope it doesn't come to that!! I'm determined that this hospital visit will be successful!! This whole journey has been a huge learning experience and I have grown a lot...but quite frankly I think I've learned enough and I'm over it! Ready to move on thank you!! I have a whole new sympathy for people who are overweight and really admire people who have lost weight. My goal is to lose 80 pounds and it scares the crap out of me! That is like an entire person. Well a child anyway haha. I know I can do it though once all of this extra cortisol is gone. 
So yes! I got the surgery date. This time next week the surgery will be over and I will be sleeping in my hospital bed dreaming of my newly cured self :) Wednesday March 14th. I'm trying to be positive but I'm really not looking forward to it 100%. I can't wait for it to be done but at the same time I really don't enjoy the whole surgery experience. My mom is flying out this Sunday so we will have a couple of days of fun before heading back to Foothills. Poor mom, it'll be her birthday while she is here...March 18 so I'll likely still be in the hospital - do I know how to celebrate or what? haha! She said that the best gift of all will be a successful surgery so here's to hoping she gets her wish. I can't wait for this to be done so my parents don't have to worry anymore. I feel guilty hogging my mom though b/c Dad is going for his hernia surgery on the 20th...she wasn't going with him anyway but still I'm sure he would have liked her company leading up to it. I didn't really feel like I could ask my doctors to reschedule though haha, we've been waiting awhile to fix this. 
A few people have been asking me lately, including a dr, if I've been seeing a mental health professional to talk about my whole experience and what I'm dealing with. I never really thought about it to be honest but I can see how it could be helpful to someone. I honestly don't know what I would talk to them about really which is why I haven't gone. I am lucky enough to have a great support system of family and friends who I have definitely confided, vented, cried and laughed with throughout this. Perhaps I have relied on them too much and should have gone to someone trained to listen but I appreciate everyone who has been there. Knowing that people care and are thinking of me means SO much and has given me the love and strength to cope so thank you! <3 It has reminded me how much a smile and hello means and I will try to remember to pass it on to others.