Gearing up!

Mom flew in today! I totally teared up on the way to the airport to pick her up for some reason...maybe because I'm happy she's here? Makes me feel a bit better. ALthough it also makes me realize surgery day is fast approaching and I don't feel ready for it. I think I felt this way last time too, just very anxious in anticipation. I keep going over what it felt like to be checking in and waiting to be wheeled into the OR and it makes me so uneasy, blah!! I wish it had worked last time but what can you do? This time it will work for sure and life can get back on track!! I feel like I'm being silly but I guess it would also be weird not to be a little bit scared right? This week has been super busy...meeting up with friends - I almost feel like a make a wish kid somedays because people are so kind and doing nice things to make me happy and making an effort to see me and wish me luck for Wednesday. I'm also trying to organize everything and make sure my house is clean so I don't have to worry about all that junk when I get out of the hospital. It's mom's birthday on the 18th as well so I've arranged with Desiree to bring in her gifts, cake and dinner to the hospital if I'm still in there on Sunday. I hope not though! Wouldn't it be a great birthday gift if I got to go home for Mom's birthday?? Maybe I should give her a cake with some candles early so she can wish for that hahaha. Wait wait, I can't be choosing other people's wishes for them thats not how it works haha!! I bet mom would wish it for me though, she's sweet like that. Plus I don't think she likes spending that much time at the hospital either haha. Anyway, we're going to enjoy the next couple days as much as we can! Going to go to the mountains tomorrow after I go in for bloodwork as its supposed to be a lovely day. Shopping on Tuesday maybe - I thought I'd bring mom to the mall while I still have some energy and interest haha, I remember taking her shopping after my surgery last time and really not being in the mood and forcing myself to walk around and not be too miserable. My goal is to not be moody with Mom! I feel like I take out my frustrations with this whole thing on her sometimes when I get upset and I don't want it to be like that, i want to have a happy couple of days. Now if only I could stop my brain thinking about it so much and get some sleep!!