This month I had my follow-up appointment with all of my doctors post-surgery. Quite the roller coaster. The morning I went to the neurosurgeon he was very excited and told me that they had successfully removed the tumour completely. Yay!! That same afternoon my endocrinologist phoned me to tell me that my bloodwork levels were still too high which indicated the tumour was still partially there and affecting my pituitary function. Fantastic. It makes sense though because I feel just the same as I did before my surgery. The weight still seems to be piling on, I’m still tired all the time and physically unfit. It is so frustrating, I just want to be my normal self again and get my life back. Now I’ve been told not to go back to work until we figure out the next step in curing this. I have to go for another MRI to see if they did miss a bit of the tumour and then I guess we will go from there.
Getting in for an MRI was a fun experience. They booked me in for Dec 28 which was upsetting since that is the same day Candyse is getting married and I am her MC AND if I am back at work by then we work right up until the 23rd so really there is no point in going home for Christmas. I can’t fly home for two days once you factor in all the travel time which is super upsetting. I don’t want to spend Christmas home alone, and we have so much family coming to visit in Marathon this year which I was really looking forward to. Anyway, they booked me at the wrong location anyway so my surgeon’s office told me to phone the MRI booking to change it. Well. Let’s just say if you hate people perhaps you should find a job that doesn’t require you to speak to them. I was quite polite but the MRI lady tore a strip off me telling me my doctor is wrong about the MRI machine (even though I explained when I went to Foothills the machine didn’t pick anything up but the other facility’s machine did) and that I am an urgent appointment so I can go ahead and cancel if I want to but need to talk to my doctor about priorities because I won’t be getting another appointment until September. Of course me being me, hung up the phone in tears and phoned my sister for a pep talk. Then I called the surgeon’s office back totally lost about what to do. His receptionist was familiar with this woman apparently and not only called and rebooked for me no problem, but lodged a complaint too. Now I get to go home for Christmas! I have to be back by January 5th which is a bit earlier than when school starts up again but that’s ok, I’m just glad I get to go home and won’t miss Candyse’s wedding. I already missed her one in South Korea! I can’t miss both!
After being booked for my MRI I was cleared off work until after Christmas break. This is good news in that I for sure don’t have to write report cards hahaha AND I can go home for a bit longer. I could really use a change of scenery. I never thought I’d be sick of the opportunity to sleep in every day and relax but this is getting ridiculous and honestly isn’t that relaxing. I definitely don’t have the added stress of planning, prepping, marking, teaching and everything else that I would normally have but despite not having to go to work every day sitting on the couch isn’t as calming and relaxing as one might imagine. I really miss going to school and seeing everyone every day. I also thought I’d be catching up on my sleep but I’m having a harder time sleeping now more than ever. I just can’t get my brain to switch off, particularly at night. I’m trying to stay positive but its hard not to think of the damage this disease is having on my body and I’m just genuinely sick of being sick. My biggest fear is that the tumour has affected my pituitary so significantly that I won’t be able to have children. This disease has already stopped my period, what if it never comes back? Who thought I’d ever miss that annoying monthly visitor?? People have tried to comfort me saying even if that does happen I could always adopt but I really don’t find that comforting. What if I can’t find a husband who would want to make that compromise? Its not fair of me to ask that of someone. Even though I know adoption is wonderful and you are helping a child, it isn’t the same. I have always dreamed of having children, it would just be devastating to not be able to. I want to be able to give my parents the grandchildren they’ve dreamed of having, they deserve it and would be such great grandparents. I suppose that is a long way off anyway and it doesn't make sense to think of such things. Its hard not to be scared sometimes though.
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